Meet our candidates!!

Their positions on the issues...

Pacifiers:

Tanzen:  Sucking is an important instinct in babies all over the world and should not be ignored.  I believe that pacifiers should always be available to every infant.  When a pacifier is not available, extreme measures must be taken in seeking out and using alternate sucking  sources.

Makett:  I have a strong record when it comes to alternative pacifiers.  I believe we should seek out and use every available form, such as clothing or limbs.  I've reached across the aisle, and haven't hesitated at redistributing the wealth by using Tanzen's pacifier or head as necessary.

Eating:

Tanzen:  We must be conservative with our food sources, making sure to sip at them at a steady rate.  I recognize it may be necessary to substitute sleep for feedings at times.  My policy to reduce exercise allows me to eat less, as I burn less calories.

Makett:  I am fast and furious in my eating habits.  I believe each feeding should be treated as my last.  I make every effort to consume as much milk in each swallow as possible, even if it means breathing less and spitting up more.  

Parents:

Tanzen: I believe every infant should receive lots of love, cuddles and kisses everyday.  It is my plan to give incentives to my parents in order to receive as much holding as possible.  These incentives include sleeping breaks and no-cry vouchers.

Makett:  My plan also calls for constant cuddling...and of course, feeding!

Baths:

Tanzen: I believe baths are to be treasured and enjoyed, a time for relaxation and reflection on the new found wonders of the world.

Makett:  I  view baths as an unnecessary part of the day.  In a Makett administration, baths would be eliminated and replaced with an additional feeding session.

Crying:

Tanzen:  If we are forced to resort to crying, then we must make a strong display of it.  My cries are strong, loud, and shrill.  I believe consistency is most important, keep up the volume and cry quickly.  This shows our allied parents that I am serious in my quest for a redress of my grievances.

Makett:  Crying is a necessary part of my sleep ritual.  We must be careful not to overuse our cries.  My cry starts off with squeaking, then gradual builds to a strong cry, then decrescendos back to a whimpering squeak.  The process must be repeated three or four times in order for my voice to be heard, then I can fall asleep.

Exercise:

Tanzen: As an infant, I have stood by my stance on minimal movement from when I was in the womb.  Some forms of exercise are necessary, such as sucking, burping, and opening one's eyes to locate food.  However, energy must be conserved, and we must build up strong reserves of sleep.

Makett:  Exercise is of vital importance!  Although the ultrasound techs always called me a maniac, I have held firm to the idea that one should integrate movement into every activity...when sleeping I work my arms out of the swaddling to bat at my face, when getting my diaper changed I make sure to kick my legs and twist as much as possible.